Face your fears

Today I did just that.  I faced my past, actually.

For those who really know me (and my past) I don’t do ex-boyfriends.  For me, when it’s done, it’s done.  It helps me to move on if I just pretend they died or something because really, it’s nicer to think their life doesn’t go on after you.  I’m so damn terrific there’s no way they can still get out of bed, right?

For two years I have ducked THE ex with a flair that some might only reserve for their best karaoke performance.  One time, I pulled my hair past my face and was flanked by two men, who escorted me out of the building.  Just so I wouldn’t have to face him!

Today I grew up just a tiny bit.  No, I didn’t meet THE ex for coffee or anything.  I went to a three year old’s birthday party, knowing perfectly well the MexEx would be there. And you know what?  It felt good.  To this day, I still hope that THE ex is miserable and suffering without me, but I looked at MexEx and it was fine.  I didn’t want him to die, I don’t wish loads of misery on him… I just looked at him and thought WOW.  You were my boyfriend and now you’re not (which kinda felt weird).. and you still exist?  It was a totally different experience, one I’d obviously never experienced before.

I know it wasn’t a perfect interaction.  We actually never even got within 15 ft of each other.  We did make eye contact, we smiled, I waved and said hi.  Seeing him for the first time since our parting ways, I think that was good enough.  Who knows, maybe next time we’ll high five?

One small step for me…